Wednesday, 18 April 2007

the work


Idle, living on past merits, for how long? days eating nights and nights the days, the moon has become my king star, the work has not been done, bound by one unfulfilled desire, if it was not for her would I come to complete dispassion? overwhelmed by my defilements, has my teachers sacrifice been in vain? Im afraid only tragedy will spur me off this lethargy.

Tuesday, 17 April 2007

scared of flying


In Krabi right now, will fly back to Bangkok Tonight.

If the plane crashes and I die, please send me some metta.

If the plane crashes and I die, please ordain, for me, at least. Include me in one of your future dhamma talks, tell them about the dhammabum fool who was careless.

...please tell my family that I love them. My mother, whom I dearly love, she is my heart. My father, who is my wisdom. My love, for if you read this, please have 'faith' - saddha, and continue forth. To my friends, may you all see the light. To my Ajahns, You were right all along.

To god, please give me strength.

To the kamma Police, please just give me a ticket and not take away this life.

Metta to all.

Thursday, 5 April 2007

feeling dumb


Wednesday, March 07, 2007


i've been feeling stuck for quite sometime now... not really unhappy, but just not feeling good... not feeling good about everything really - myself, job, world, weather... not sure what is wrong, but this feeling has hardly ever let me go even for a brief moment during more than two years by now... it kinda started before the tsunami, but was rather mild and non-persistent... since the tsunami i have been what in regular language can be described as being "fucked up" and not in a good way at that... will there ever be a break in this feeling? i wish for it to let me go so badly sometimes, and it only makes it worse... craving it seems, is not without irony... everyone around me looks at me and says: whats wrong with you dude? you got all it takes to be happy! all of the conditions seem to be in place... and it just doesnt happen... what the fuck is wrong with me..? what is the cause of this feeling..? why it just wouldn't let me go? why do i need to sit in front of the machine and type all of this, when i have so many other opportunities for "fun" activities..? others would probably pay a lot to find themselves in my situation and would be perfectly happy and content with the things as they are... what the fuck is wrong with me..?do i think i am some special dude, who cannot be content with regular stuff..? not really, it's not that i am discontent with the things around me - i just dont have the drive to enjoy them... the drive of life, the ambition, the goal, the aspiration - all these words have become rather alien to me... what the fuck am i living for..? ask me and i wont be able to answer really... any other of justifications for the existence that other people use dont seem to make any sense for me... having a family, children, continuation of the clan, leaving a trace in the history, creating something wonderful, etc., whatever else people aspiring to... what am i am aspiring to? i have no fucking clue! nothing seems to be worth the effort... am i lazy? for sure, but that is a consequense - i know that, cause before i wasnt like this, even now i am doing everything that is required from me and even more, but i just dont feel good about these things... no sense of accomplishment or even something in the vicinity of that... even a possibility of suicide is rather unappealing and doesnt seem to be worth the trouble... it seems i am functioning on autopilot - just the things that are necessary and nothing over that... i think i am just dumb... not like retarded or mentally challenged, but just plain dumb... it kinda hurts writing this, so it means i got some self-love and appreciation left, then it is not self-hatred that is causing it... i wish one day i can smile about all this, but somehow it feels rather impossible at this moment... i know it isn't permanent, but its fucking too long-lasting for my liking...

by 888

Shelter


Every morning I create a world and every night it's destroyed, born, being, living and dying with each day, in my sleep too, dreams don't remain the same, I'm playing a rigged game, so painful when you lose altitude and hit the sharp stone shards, but soon forget when up high caressing clouds, who's driving this endless train of moments? when will we arrive to my hometown?

by "Artemio" (Juan Carlos)

Wednesday, 4 April 2007

Opinion: Clamouring for a national religion

By Sanitsuda Ekachai
Assistant Editor, Bangkok Post, April 5 2007.

Unwilling to accept that the decline of public faith in the religious institution is a result of their own closed and corrupt system, the clergy are waging a new public campaign to have Buddhism officially enshrined as the national religion in the new charter. The tide now seems to be on the clergy's side.

The clergy are at it again. The ethno-centric nationalism is in full swing and the concerted efforts to back the clergy seem better organised than ever.

To start with, the military has already expressed support for the clergy's moves. The parliamentary committee on religion has also turned the clergy's demand into its own proposal to the Constitution Drafting Committee, thus making the clergy's petition officially in the legislative pipeline.

While some committee members who are in the media are using their newspapers to support their own proposal, the clergy sent a troop of monks to the sacred Bodhgaya pilgrimage site in India, to take a fighting vow. There they publicly declared that the clergy would lead a nationwide boycott against the draft constitution if Buddhism is not institutionalised as the national religion.

According to supporters, the national religion clause is only a matter of recognising social reality because most people in Thailand are Buddhists while the national culture and history are closely intertwined with Buddhism. Besides, the King is constitutionally required to be Buddhist.

Accept reality, they insist. Not doing so, they say, will entail grave consequences because Buddhism can be overtaken by other aggressive religions if the state authorities will not provide sufficient protection.

It must be pointed out that this national religion campaign is taking place amid widespread paranoia within the clergy against Islam following the southern violence. There has also been wide distribution of leaflets alleging that Islam is a threat to Thai Buddhism.

Since the national religion proponents are pushing us to accept reality, they should explore first what really causes this decline of public faith in the monastic order.

The reality is that the extremely rich clergy are already enjoying heavy support from the state _ so much so that monks have lost accountability to the local communities while totally depending on the state to solve their own problems.

Another reality is that no outside help can cure the clergy of the ills that stem from their own feudalistic and authoritarian structure which breeds inertia, nepotism and corruption.

Since Buddhism teaches the need to dismantle a sense of self, the clergy should ask itself if its national religion demand is a quest for power, which is about greed and desire to strengthen ego.

The raging popularity of the Jatukam Ramathep talisman should also prompt us to ask ourselves if we are really Buddhists.

Essentially, this is a worship of spirits, which is no different from previous crazes such as the Rahu spirit worship that engulfed the country a few years ago. It is also in line with our worship of Hindu gods at spectacular shrines in every nook and cranny of the city.

Buddhism teaches self-reliance. It also teaches us the need to let go of our ego in order to avoid being emotionally stirred by likes and dislikes, which perpetuate our mental cycle of greed, anger and delusion.

The spirit worship, meanwhile, teaches dependency on external help.

If we are honest to ourselves, we should be able to answer if we have lost touch with the Buddhist teachings and if our Buddhism has been reduced to mere rites and rituals.

The Jatukam Ramathep phenomenon does not only reflect public insecurity from political uncertainties and terrorism threats, it also shows that we are basically animists.

Accept reality.

If we really need a national religion, animism should be the one. At least it can help us stop fooling ourselves that we are still Buddhists, and see who we really are.


Email: sanitsudae@bangkokpost.co.th

Monday, 2 April 2007

Broken Sila



My interpretation of 'Broken Sila' refers to a situation when a Buddhist practitioner tumbles through a phase of demoralization. Perhaps once upon a time they were able to uphold strong sila or moral precepts, then one day, they start slacking off, their mode of practice becomes inconsistent, and bit by bit the next thing you know they find themselves strolling and roaming about in one of the peta realms, or lower... The kilesas trick the mind so well i must say...cheeky evil little bastards they are.....

I am walking on the edge at the moment, I see, and sometimes I don't see them little devils...Sometimes I am a little devil! Like best mates we are, we've been together for endless rounds of birth. It is not me who is to let go of him, but it is him who wants to let go of him self. We enjoy each other's company. Funny little evil devils! - Lets go party! lets go on a trip together! to the unknown! meet people, find chaos, and lets help each other survive through the experience. Lets go dammit!!!

Further down the road...

This feeling sucks. It is a horrible trip. Dark clouds fogging the mind, feeling numb, dumb, no life, no joy, no radiance. No matter how pleasant u feel, u simply know it...the radiance of the citta dims. It brightens up and dims, at a random pace. Synchronicity seems true in one moment, but 'mua'[unsystematic] in the next. Just throwing darts at a moving bullseye, fluttering and flying about as the wind swifts by. Let go of all control seems to be the best refuge. Let me sleep. Let me rest. Let me be at peace. Recollection of the tripple gem sometimes brings on guilt. Observing the mental process giving rise to guilt is painful. Especially when you don't have a strong moral basis. No sila, contemplation and samadhi becomes weak, confusing, and mua`. It feels like lying in a bed of broken glass. Everymove you make, and every breath u take, you bleed. Pain, annoying pain...dumbness, numbness, twistend and bent perception. Where is the light? if it's all dark then I could sleep no? Then it might be peaceful. But in the darkness I see pictures, uncontrollable visions, nimittas, all giving rise to a flux of feelings. Birth, birth, horrible births. I cannot control, I can not stop my self from following...I have no sati. But I have faith.
BROKEN SILA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HA HA HA
Crave why don't you! Crave...
Go on? Go ahead then? How does it feel?
HA HA HA HA just enjoy it son, just enjoy it...
pain suffering, joy, pleasure, peace, it's all the same lad...it's all the the same...
Just go to the shows, watch some bums and tits and you'll be fine...
find some love, find that erotic vibe...yeah...find that 'ragga-metta mix' vibe...
BROKEN SILA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HA HA HA

One piece of advice...
Don't go on 'waiting for kamma' missions while you are going through this Broken Sila Trip!

Sunday, 1 April 2007

Wander




Walking on the ridge of the night mountains,
I feel an old and distant song,
a pale green suffuses and her pink and amber shines pierce through,
when I come upon a monastery wall with a tree on top, its roots embedded on both sides, stretching down, deep, firmly into the ground.
Justly there did the seed fall,
from atop of there his fellow brothers on both sides he can see,
but to none does he belong.
Oh! Oh! solitary tree, the moon bathes all in a silvery white.


By

Artemio also known as Juan...the dhammabum from mexico.

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